Hello! I hope this day is starting off great for you! Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and thought the conversation was well understood, but then later realized both of you heard very different things? This blog is going to give some pointers on ways to help shift conversation so people leave on the same page and feeling good about how the conversation went.

Motivational speaker Toni Robbins says "To effectively communicate, we must realized we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others." This is an important piece of communication to be aware of because people understand experiences based on their "lens" of the world, not yours.

One great way I check in with people after they have spoken is to say something like "What I hear you saying is..." to make sure I am hearing what they are saying. This gives the other person the opportunity to change anything they have said so I understand it the way it was intended to be understood.If I feel like the conversation is going down a rough path, I might also say "I feel like we are having some miscommunication- what are you hearing me say?" so that I have the opportunity to re-communicate in a way that will be better understood.

Communication is based on all members of the conversation, but it is the responsibility of the person speaking to make sure they are communicating in helpful ways so the information is best received. One way this can go down a rough path is if someone is being blaming or shaming in their communication. Sayings things like "You never..." or "You always..." are blaming statements and often increase defensiveness. One way to work around blaming or shaming is to use "I statements" to talk about how something is effecting you, rather than blaming the other person. I use statements like "I feel sad/hurt/jealous/etc when (something) happens". Expressing how you feel regarding a situation can help increase empathy and decrease defensiveness (unless you are talking to someone who has narcissistic tendencies- then being vulnerable might put you in a worse position). 

One last piece of communication I stay away from is telling people they "should" do something different. "Shoulding" people often feels shameful. Asking questions like "I wonder what you think went well and what could have gone better?" increases insight and removes feelings of shame. I hope you have found something helpful to try. Remember- how we communicate with others can directly effect that person's self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence, so let's create an environment that feels safe and loving. 

Thanks for reading and being in connection with me,

Steph