How Do You Talk To Yourself?

Hello and welcome back! When something doesn't go the way we want, it is so easy to berate ourselves. "I am not good enough." "I should have known I would fail." "Why do I even try?" But these kinds of thoughts are detrimental to our self-esteem and our mental health.

It is important to use self-compassion when talking to yourself. A very basic definition of self-compassion is treating yourself the same way you would treat a good friend.

When a friend is having a difficult time, what do you do? What do you say?

Do you call them stupid? Or say "Well you should have known you would fail"?

Hopefully not. You probably listen and empathize; show compassion and kindness, not judgement. Self-compassion is doing this same thing, but towards yourself.

Some people worry that self-compassion leads to complacency and lack of motivation to make changes or do better. But in reality, judgement, belittling, and harsh self-talk leads to lack of motivation and feelings of defeat. When you show your friends compassion during a difficult time, they probably feel better and more capable of continuing to try. The same is true for effects of self-compassion- it helps us move forward, rather than shut down.

Dr. Kristin Neff is an expert in self-compassion and her video does a great job of debunking myths about self-compassion (that it creates complacency, or is self-pity, or weakness, etc).

Self-compassion requires us to understand that we are human, not perfect. It also requires us to be kind to ourselves, rather than judge ourselves.

Think about the last time you felt bad.

What kinds of things did you say to yourself?

If your friend was in the same situation, would you have said that same thing to them?

What would you have said instead?

How would it have felt to say that same thing to yourself?

Others deserve compassion, and so do you. Try practicing self-compassion for a week and see how you feel.

Thanks for reading and being in connection with me,

Steph