Do You Get Caught In The "What If" Cycle?

Hello again! If you have ever had anxiety, you have probably experienced the "what if" phenomenon. "What ifs" are questions we ask ourselves in preparation for something to happen. They usually look like -

"What if ... happens?"

"What would I do if...?".

Many people think they will feel more prepared if they "what if" about future events. But usually people find that they've wasted time and energy because the thing they were worried would happen didn't happen. This is because situations have an infinite amount of possibilities for outcomes. There are many factors in life that can change an outcome and we rarely have control over those factors (weather, other people, timing, etc.).

Another negative impact of "what ifs" is that they train us to not trust ourselves. "What ifs" train our brain to believe that we aren't capable of handling stressors when they arise, therefore creating the belief that we can't trust ourselves or our choices.

One thing I like to do with "what ifs" is to reverse the what if. For example, if I am worrying about a presentation at work and saying "what if I screw up or what if I miss an important part of my speech", then I also ask myself "what if I do great with this presentation or what if my boss is impressed with my speech". If we what if on the negative side, then we must also what if on the positive side.

If you are going to what if, I suggest only doing it with things that are coming up in the very near future (within the next 24 hours) and with things that you have control over. Make a plan (based on things you can control) and move forward.

I love the following analogy for what ifs (I can't take credit for coming up with it, but I do like to share it)-

Providing specific answers to your anxiety's what-if questions is like trying to fill a colander with water. You can spend time doing it, but it's never going to get you anywhere. Moreover, you've wasted a lot of water in the process.

Next time you find yourself asking what if questions- ask yourself "Is this a colander moment?".

Thanks for reading and being in connection with me,

Steph